My story starts with a good old fashioned abandoned warehouse. My mate and I were mucking around with a footy at an adjoining park. Heading off to retrieve a stray ball, I wandered over to the warehouse and heard some voices and movement within. Assuming a comfortable spying position, I peeked through a rusted out hole. What I saw that day will stay with me forever.
I had to fight hard to stop myself bursting out with laughter, as the first visual I copped was of Quentin Tarantino. He was on a gym mat, decked out in a complete set of footy gear, grappling with a Russell Crowe trying desperately to hold onto a footy. Even with my limited view, I could see that there were a number of other movie star personalities practicing some tackling around them as well. I started motioning like crazy for my buddy to come over and join me.
As Quentin�s face started turning a deep shade of red (and he was the one practicing the tackle mind you) a whistle pierced the air. �Alright, alright. Let�s take a break fellas.� I couldn�t believe it. Danny DeVito waddled into view as my mate finally made it over to see what all the commotion was about.
�Damn Cinderella Man, you�re built like a brick sh*thouse!� Tarantino told his latest training partner.
�Yeah.� replied Crowe, �Cheers, aye.�
I shot my mate a �WTF?-Can-you-f***ing-believe-this?� glance as DeVito kicked off a discussion about the latest round of NRL matches. A smirk slowly appeared across my mate�s face. �Eh?� I asked him, �Something I�m missing here?�
�You know eloquent� my mate responded, �I�ve heard about it, but I thought it was just a myth. The DeVito Code. Rumour has it that after starring with Arnie in �Twins�, someone showed DeVito a photo baring a remarkable resemblance to the movie�s cover shot. It was the famous Provan-Summons photo. From that moment, DeVito was inspired to spread the league gospel. He got to work immediately, forming a secret underground society that would help him subliminally inspire a league following, through film.�
�What are you on about? You�re full of it.� As much as I wanted to, I just couldn�t swallow a conspiracy theory like that.
�Think about it dude� my mate pressed on, growing in conviction having now seen it with his own eyes, �what�s one of the most important parts of a footy team?�
I thought about it for a while, thinking about the Hair Bears� success for Penrith in 2003 and Manly�s rise to success this year on the backs of Watmough, Kennedy and Menzies. I mumbled out something about the back row.
�Exactly!� my mate continued, almost frothing at the mouth by this stage, �The back row is the most hotly contested spot in footy teams these days. Now, do you know who that guy is?� I was quizzed, as my mate pointed at some nuffy. I shook my head and was promptly informed that it was Guy Ritchie. The name sounded vaguely familiar, but I still must have had a blank look on my face.
�He directed �Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels�.�
Now he was speaking my language, one of my all time favourite movies, but what did it have to do with footy or this so-called �DeVito Code�?
�Come on dumbass. Think!� my mate teased, ��Lock� isn�t even in code. Surely you can see that the �Two Smoking Barrels� are gun second rowers and��
�� the �Stock� is the bench players and depth in those positions!!!� The penny finally dropped. I was starting to understand the DeVito code and went searching my memory banks for other evidence.
Left to my thoughts, I pondered the following: � Has Grothe been using �White Men Can�t Jump� for inspiration? � Was �Charlie�s Angels� behind the Manly Angels and other female supporter clubs? � Is every horror movie ever made representative of the losing team in a grand final? And every head-kicking action movie the exploration of the winning team�s emotions?
The silence was broken by laughter as Danny himself slapped a ten dollar note into Quentin�s palm and declared �You win Nostradamus. It�s taken a while but Canterbury has finally had to call on their Reservoir Dogs and they�ve stood up pretty well. I still reckon you�re off with your other prediction though. If they were going to Kill Bill, surely they would�ve done it when he was still reffing, but you never know.�
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