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No Rules - That's the Spirit Tommy
Written by: Kalon HuettJul 16, 2009 9:56pm
Tommy Raudonikis is cranky. He doesn't like what he sees in State of Origin these days. He doesn’t like the Cockroaches' approach. And he wants to fix it by coaching the Blues again. Well, not so much 'coaching' them as taking them out on the town, slapping them around the face, drinking them under the table and letting them party like it's 2002 in a Christchurch hotel.
Okay perhaps not that last part, but he has proudly admitted this week that when he held the job in 1997 and '98 there 'were no rules' as long as the players 'turned up ready to play on a Wednesday night'. The only problem was that in 1998 the games weren't actually played on a Wednesday night, which must have made it awfully confusing when the lads arrived to an empty stadium two days early. (For the record NSW lost that series 2-1, but since the matches were played on Friday nights it is assumed Tommy was at the pub and doesn't remember them.)
I admire the spirit Tommy has - no not his whisky collection - I mean his attitude, his keenness, his utter disregard for the notion that the game may have changed a bit since his day. I especially admire how he advocates 'hitting everything in maroon on suspicion'. (That’s 'advocate', Tommy, not 'avocado' - although yes you’re right there are a lot of similar letters.) It's pure genius. Hit everything in maroon. If there happen to be any kids with painted faces, fans in supporter jerseys, or maroon-clad cheerleaders standing around looking suspiciously like professional footballers then that's just the way it goes unfortunately.
All Tommy needs is for referees' boss Robert Finch to arm his whistle blowers with a similar philosophy – there are no rules. No striking. No offside. No ruck infringements. No penalties whatsoever. That would definitely assist the game plan. Oh sorry I forgot; Tommy doesn't like game plans. Doesn't need them. And we already know he doesn’t like rules. Or selectors. Or Queenslanders. In fact he doesn't really seem to like much at all. Not even avocados I’m guessing, which is a shame because he could do with some healthy fruit and veg in his diet.
If only the NRL would take a leaf out of Tommy's book. Rules are made to be broken, so why waste time implementing so many of the damn things in the first place? David Gallop could add ten years to his life if he didn't have to stress about the behaviour of four hundred men all the time. He could turn up to emergency damage-control press conferences with clear, confident statements like, 'Whilst it's true that this player has engaged in group sex whilst driving the team bus under the influence of drugs and alcohol and punching every innocent bystander he saw on the way to a live interview in which he made sexist and racist remarks to the reporter, the fact is that there are no rules in place against these types of actions and therefore the player has not intentionally done anything wrong and will not be disciplined'.
No rules, no worries - that could be next year's NRL slogan. Surely it identifies more with the true blue tough-as-nails rugby league fan than 'Feel It'. Feel what? There's no place for feelings in this game. Not in Origin that's for sure. Tommy wants winners not wimps.
So is Raudonikis really ridiculous? Maybe not. Maybe all the Blues need is an injection of aggression, passion and good old-fashioned bonding. (A few other types of injections wouldn't go astray either.) Give Tommy a chance. There's nothing to lose apart from an unprecedented fifth consecutive Origin series and any semblance of remaining pride.
But who's counting anyway? Certainly not Tommy; he doesn't like maths. Or wearing shoes, or light beer... the list is endless. He doesn't like lists either. But he loves the Blues. Oh how he loves them – like a father's love for his sick children. Sadly in this case, he's a father without custody. He can't even visit on weekends. So much wisdom going to waste. But all is not lost Tommy, I have an idea. It doesn't matter if you're the official Blues coach or not. All you have to do is hijack the team bus one day and not bring the boys back until the game. Just don't forget which night the game is on. Work your magic. Don't worry about the consequences or the possible criminal charges. There are no rules. You like the sound of that don't you?
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